Reclaiming our unlived self

Over the years, as I have journeyed with others through midlife, I have watched people discover and reclaim many different parts of their unlived self: their creative self, their feminine or masculine self, their playful self, their loving self or their spiritual self amongst many others. 

For psychologist, David Elkins, it is was the writer and poet in him that he was not yet living. In his book, ‘Beyond Religion,‘ he tells us of his struggle to reclaim this part of himself. While he was strongly drawn to write as a child, he was brought up in an isolated rural area of America where there was little opportunity to learn the craft of writing or to develop his gift. And so it remained largely neglected until he was nearly fifty. Everything changed, however, when he came across these words in Rumi’s poem, ‘Say Yes Quickly’:

‘Inside you there’s an artist

you don’t know about…  Is what I say true? Say yes quickly,

if you know, if you’ve known it

from the beginning of the universe’.

He wept as he realised that it had taken him so many years to come to recognise the writer in himself. ‘My defences began breaking down’ he tells us, ‘… and I finally saw with clarity the destiny I had avoided.’ He writes of his fear that that it was too late to begin again, that his body might be too old to allow him to pursue this new dream with the passion it deserved. But he faced down those fears and began to write. After a time when he was asked about his profession, he would sometimes have the courage to call himself a writer. Initially, doing so would always bring with it feelings of embarrassment as if he did not deserve to use such a title. But it would also bring 'a quiet celebration' of his home-coming. It is never too late, he tells us, 'to be coughed up onto the shores of ones' destiny.'  

If the unlived self within us is to come to light, we need to do more than remember the forgotten parts of ourselves that are being unveiled. As Elkins did when he started to write, we have to begin the process of reclaiming them, of allowing them to emerge in all their richness and beauty. We have to find ways of reconnecting with them and of creating space in our lives for them. The following are a number of soul practices which I and others have found helpful in enabling us to reclaim our unlived self:

The first step is that of naming those parts of ourselves that we know we need to reclaim. You may find it helpful to create a drawing, painting, collage or word map of the parts of yourself which you are not yet living. Place it somewhere visible so that you will see it often. I still have the collage of unlived parts of myself that I created many years ago now. For a long time, it remained on the wall of my office to remind me of those forgotten parts of myself that I was seeking to reclaim. And from time to time, I still revisit it, asking myself how far I have come and what is left to do.

The second step is that of identifying ways in which you might reconnect with these forgotten parts of yourselves. Begin by focusing on the part that you most want to reclaim. You may find it helpful to find or create a visual image that represents this part of yourself and/or to give it a name. You may also find it helpful to write a letter to this part of yourself or to write a dialogue between you and him or her. The third step is that of committing yourself to creating space for it in your life . For example, when I was reclaiming the creative writer in me, I printed out an image I had found that spoke to me of her and hung it on the wall where I would see it often. I wrote a poem entitled 'When I write...' that speaks of what I experience when I am living the writer in me. And in my journal, I wrote a letter to her. I apologised to her that I had neglected her for so long and committed myself to making time for her. This was more than just a general statement of my committment to her and to my intent. It was also a specific plan to set aside time for her on a regular basis.

Each time we reclaim a part of ourselves in this way, we are giving birth to our larger self. We are becoming more fully ensouled. To learn to live from the soul in this way is to soar on the wings of freedom. It is to know with utter certainty who we are and what we are called to do. It is not only to touch but to be immersed in that deep source of ancient knowing and wisdom. It is to feel the wild and beautiful energy of our soul flowing freely through our veins. 

Bibliography

David Elkins (1996) Beyond Religion. Quest Books

©Copyright Kaitlyn Steele 2025

Kaitlyn Steele

www.insearchofsoul.co.uk

kaitlynsteele16@gmail.com