My story | In search of soul

A little of my story

I have played many different roles over the seven decades of my life: daughter, wife, parent, grandparent and friend; psychologist, therapist, teacher, spiritual companion and writer amongst others. Knowing all this about me will, however, tell you little about who I truly am. It will tell you little of what I long for, what makes my heart sing, what I am passionate about, what inspires me, what holds and sustains me when life becomes almost more difficult than I can bear. It will tell you little of what I cherish, what I seek, what I dream of, what I fear, what I turn to when the dark nights fall. And it will tell you little of my own journey of becoming, of the person I find myself to be when I am able to take off the masks I wear and strip away the defences that keep me distanced from all that really matters. It will not tell you of my search for soul.

My journey through life has not always been an easy one and amongst the many good times, there have been hard times too. In the second half of my life, however, I have found a new lease of life, a new sense of freedom and aliveness, a new sense of purpose and meaning and a new joy in living which has taken me by surprise. Much of that has come through the journey I embarked on in midlife, the search for soul that I am still on some twenty years later.

I have made discoveries about myself and about living life to the full that I might otherwise never have made. I have learnt how freeing it is to let go of that which deadens us and to embrace that which brings us alive. I have finally come to understand what the Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu meant when he said: 'When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be.' I am still learning, still growing, still becoming and I am so deeply thankful for that.

Kaitlyn Steele: key qualifications

MA Hons Psychology (1974)
M Phil. Clinical Psychology (1976)
Diploma in Spiritual Accompaniment (2012)

The story of my faith journey began in in early childhood as it often does. I was born into a church-going family and introduced to protestant Christianity through Sunday school. From an early age, I was powerfully drawn to the humanity of Jesus and inspired by his teachings. It seemed to me that in the person of Jesus I had found someone worth following. In my late teens, however, I began to wrestle with aspects of the Christianity I was encountering in the Church of Scotland. I had questions that no one could answer. I had doubts that no one could alleviate and I wrestled with some of the teachings to which I was introduced. Eventually, I chose to walk away from my faith in my mid-teens.

And then, in my early twenties when I was I training as a clinical psychologist in London, I encountered the writings of the psychologist, Carl Rogers. It felt like coming home. The person-centred philosophy that he espoused fitted so well with my own beliefs and values. The image of the person that lies at the heart of his philosophy resonated powerfully with my own experience and way of making sense of myself and my journey through life. And the revolutionary way of being and relating that he described inspired and challenged me deeply, both personally and professionally. I had found a new home in humanistic philosophy and psychology and for a while, was content to identify myself as a humanist.

My spiritual quest was, however, far from over and it was to Christianity that I turned again in my thirties - not the Christianity of my childhood, but an altogether different version of it. It is, some say, 'a new kind of Christianity', one that emphasises the primacy of unconditional love and compassion, is radically inclusive, honours all faiths and spiritualities and recognises that it is but one of many pathways for the soul. It is known as the progressive Christian tradition and it has become my spiritual home.

My spiritual journey has not been an easy or straightforward one. There have been peaks and troughs, mountain-top and desert experiences. There have been times when I lost my way and when I thought I had lost my faith. There have been times when I felt certain and secure in my convictions and times of being plagued by doubts and questions and uncertainties. There have been times of holding on and times of letting go, times of stability and times of crisis and transition. No matter how difficult it has been at times, it has, however, always been a journey worth the making.

Once the soul awakens the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will
never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency
and partial fulfillment. David Elkins

N.B. For further information about progressive spiritual traditions or
person-centred philosophy, click on the links in the text above.