Loving deep
- Kaitlyn Steele
- Jun 22, 2024
- 4 min read
'What do you think success is?' asked the boy.
'To love', said the mole.
Charlie Mackesy
The wellspring of soul love within us
'There is within each of us at the soul level, an enriching fountain of love.'
John O'Donohue
All of us are capable of loving deep for there is a rich wellspring of soul love within each one of us. We do not need to search for it outside of ourselves for it is already there. We do not need to be taught how to love in this way, for at the very core of our being, we already know. All we need to do is 'to whisper awake the deep well of love within' to use O'Donohue's beautiful words. And the more deeply connected we are are with our innermost self, the easier it becomes to release it.
The first step is to learn to trust that it is there within us, even though we may not yet be able to sense its presence. No matter how wounded we may be, no matter that life's hardships may have hardened our hearts, the fountain of soul love in our innermost self remains, awaiting only its release. If we are to awaken it, however, we have to dismantle the barriers within us that distance us from this deeply loving core of our being. It may be, for example, that we do not believe that we are capable of such love. It may be that we are afraid of making ourselves vulnerable to others or of being misunderstood, hurt or rejected if we do so. It may be that we are holding onto fear, anger or mistrust because we have been so badly damaged by our relationships with others in the past. Or it may be that we have not yet learnt to love ourselves deeply enough to be able to offer this love to others.
Taking down the walls we have built is one aspect of what I call 'soul work'. One of the most difficult discoveries we make in the course of our soul journey is that of the woundedness and unfinishedness in ourselves that we have not yet acknowledged. Our first response is often to deny it or minimise it. Sometimes we brush it aside, fearing that it will be too painful to face, that it might lead us into despair. Sometimes we cannot bear the thought that our own woundedness may inadvertently have wounded others. But the consequence of owning it is not despair, but hope. It is not darkness, but light. It is not powerlessness, but empowerment. For paradoxically, accepting and befriending our own woundedness or unfinishedness is the first step in growing beyond it. It will take time, patience and most importantly a compassionate and loving acceptance of our wounded self. Sometimes we may need a little help along the way, but the inner resources we need to break free are already within us, no matter how deep our wounds may be.
Below are a number of self-reflective exercises and soul practices that you may find helpful along the way.
Exploring your experience of soul love
Refect on any relationships in your life in which you have experienced the soul love of another. It could, for example, be in the context of a relationship with a partner, a family member, a friend, a colleague, a therapist or a spiritual companion. Use the following questions to guide your reflections:
What words would you use to describe the kind of love you experienced in this relationship?
How has it differed from the way in which you have been loved in other relationships in your life?
What have you been able to bring to the relationship and what have you received from it?
What has it taught you and how has it changed you?
If you feel inspired to do so, write a poem or song or create a drawing, painting or collage which captures something of your experience of being in such a deeply loving relationship.
Identifying your inner barriers
Spend some time reflecting on what it is within you that might make it difficult for you to love others in this deeper way. Are there beliefs you hold about yourself or others or feelings that you have towards them that might prevent you from doing so? Do you find it difficult to love yourself in this deeper way?
As you become aware of each of these inner barriers, take time to reflect on how they have arisen within you. Are there things that have happened to you or things you have learnt from others that have led you to build walls around the deep wellspring of love that exists within you?
Connecting with the wellsping of love within you
Find a quiet space where you can sit in silence for a while. After spending a few minutes slowing your breathing, relaxing your body and stilling your mind, create and hold a visual image in your mind of a beautiful well or fountain deep within you. When you are ready, dip your hands or feet into its deep, refreshing waters. If you feel drawn to, immerse yourselves in them more fully. Feel them beginning to flow through your inner being and around your heart. And as they do so, feel them gradually softening the harder ground within you. Then simply allow what happens to happen.
Repeat this soul practice as often as you feel drawn to. Be aware of what happens within you as you do so. What are you aware of in yourself? What do you find yourself feeling, thinking and experiencing? You may find it helpful to record your experiences in order to reflect on them more fully.
Bibliography
John O'Donohue (1999) Anam Cara. Bantam Books
Charlie Mackesy (2019) 'The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse. Penguin
©Copyright Kaitlyn Steele 2026
Kaitlyn Steele
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