Discovering who we are

‘Once the soul awakens the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment.’

                                                                           John O’Donohue

When the soul awakens, then the search begins. For the Call invites us to set out on a quest. The word ‘quest’ comes from a Latin verb which means to ask for or seek. It speaks, however, of no ordinary search. It tells us not only that our path will be a long and demanding one but also that what we are seeking is of immeasurable worth and very hard to find. As mythologist Joseph Campbell discovered, mythical tales of such quests have featured prominently in every culture for over two thousand years. For example, the ancient Sumerian ‘Epic of Gilgamesh’ tells the story of his long and perilous search for the secret of eternal life. The ancient Greek tale of Jason’s quest for the Golden Fleece tells us of his search for the authority of kingship. Such mythical tales can also be found in modern literature such as Frank Baum’s ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz’, CS Lewis’s ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ and JRR Tolkien’s ‘Lord of the Rings’. And they can be found in films such as ‘Star Wars’ and ‘The Lion King’. 

If we choose to respond to the Call, we become seekers and pilgrims. We set out on a sacred quest, a journey of discovery that takes us deep into the inner landscape of our being. Each stage of the journey begins with a particular kind of question. Sue Monk Kidd calls them ‘life’s sacred questions’. David Elkins calls them ‘the naked questions of our existence’. They are urgent questions that disturb and unsettle. They are unexpected, uninvited questions that threaten to take us out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. They are questions which ask something of us that we may be fearful of giving. And they can take many forms. Why do I feel so restless, so dissatisfied? What is that ails me?  Who am I really? What is missing in my life? For writer Dawna Markova, it was, ‘How do I live undivided no more?’ For Parker Palmer, it was how do I 'become myself?' For Sue Monk Kidd, it was, ‘Am I being asked to dismantle old masks and patterns and unfold a deeper, more authentic self?’ And for Mary Oliver, it was, 'What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?'

Each time we make a discovery, a new question arises and a new search begins. We may seek for many things along the way – for a new sense of direction or vocation; for deeper meaning and purpose in our lives; for buried and forgotten parts of ourselves; for a mentor or companion who will walk alongside us as we journey; for a community that is willing to embrace our searching; for a philosophy that resonates with our experience and our deeper knowing; for the More that is both around and within us; or for a spiritual tradition or pathway in which we can feel at home. But at the heart of this process of discovery is always our search for soul, for the deeper ‘I’ that is waiting to emerge. Where then should we look?

The spiritual journey is often described as ‘a journey of ascent’, as the rising of the soul into the realms of the More. The soul journey is, however, a very different kind of journey. It is one not of ascent, but of descent. It is not a rising upwards but a plunging downwards. Discovering this deeper self requires that we dive down into ourselves. Writer Carol Christ captures something of the experience beautifully in the title of her book about women’s experience of the soul journey. She calls it ‘Diving Deep and Surfacing’. In similar vein, psychologist David Elkins tells us that if we are just 'skimming the surface of life', we will not find what we are seeking. For to encounter the soul, we must 'go down into the depths of our being... into the depths of life itself.'

Shortly after he began working with me, a client told me of a significant dream he had had. In his dream, he found himself descending into a series of dark caves. He knew that he was searching for something precious that he had lost but he could not remember what it was he was seeking. After walking down tunnel after tunnel, he stumbled eventually across a small cave which was suffused with light. Embedded in the wall, he could see the surface of a beautiful white gem. And in that moment he knew with utter certainty that this was what he had come to recover. For my client, this mysterious gem became a powerful symbol of the ‘larger self’ he had begun to search for in midlife. The imagery of descending into deep waters or into underground caves or caverns often surfaces in our fantasies and dreams as we begin our search for soul. It is an imagery that captures beautifully the journey of descent that we need to be willing to make if we are to discover the essential self that lies at the very core of our being.

As is awakening, discovering is an ongoing movement of the spirit that weaves in and out of our soul journey. The focus of our quest may change as our journey unfolds and the intensity of our searching may wax and wane as we walk the path that lies before us. But unless we abandon the path altogether, we will always be seekers. The quest will always be there, quietly waiting for us to resume our seeking when the time is right.

©Copyright Kaitlyn Steele 2025

Bibliography

Sue Monk Kidd (1990) When the Heart Waits: Spiritual direction for life's sacred questions. HarperOne

Dawna Markova (2000) I will not die an unlived life. Conari Press

John O'Donohue (1999) Anam Cara. Bantam Books

Mary Oliver' (2020) Devotions: The selected poems of Mary Oliver. Penguin Books, 316. From the poem entitled, 'The Summer Day’

Parker Palmer (2000) Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the voice of vocation. Jossey Basse

Kaitlyn Steele

www.insearchofsoul.co.uk

kaitlynsteele16@gmail.com